I have lost so much time over the years because of my childhood trauma. I caused so much craziness over the years. It’s crazy to me how I felt like I was nothing for so long. Mental health issues are exhausting. Trying so hard to get understanding was painful. Trying to fix my problems with anything was torture. I added more to my already dying soul. I added more painful memories because I did not know how to make anything bearable. Every climb got harder and harder to get out. Until the final fail. Until the final drop is happening. My final days of being a failure.

Now I still have my mental health problems which now I control by natural health care. Everything that leads to today has been carefully planned since my few years of healing. Sobriety is a daily routine and is not taken lightly because I now understand what I went through doesn’t have control over my life anymore. None of this has been easy. I have days I’m not on my game or even feel the way I should. Which doesn’t mean I’m failing. It doesn’t mean I am going to have a breakdown or a break of my sobriety. It means I’m overly trying to do to much and probably overthinking.

Which in return needs a little extra refresher for my health. Mental health care is a priority for me because I have been lost for so long it took a lot away from my family in pieces. Today I’m not. I took my fails and my trauma and made it my way to furthering my life journey together with my kids. Teaching them today to understand themes and how to maintain our health instead of turning the tables around onto a bad side. Totally not perfectly but we really don’t want anything else.

Regardless of what happened in our past. We have had to regain control over our lives. Each day we work on our journey together and separate. I teach them to understand their feelings emotions and thinking. In return the consequences of any actions. Which in return I’m still learning on a daily basis. Because no matter how much or how far healing happens. No matter what we learn. Each day is different. Each day is a new learning experience. We still have to keep our sobriety together. We still need to keep our mental health care going. We still have to remember the steps. Which god knows it’s not easy.

I chose to to go backwards or not be lost about lost time. I take each day and make new time and make a new memories. Because it’s not about the fail or the bottom. It’s about the learning experience and the overcome moment you regained control over your life. It’s about now not yesterday. Time was lost and I was getting in my head as I wrote this. But by the end. I remember the time I regained instead of the time I lost. We don’t and won’t be perfect. But we can be present.