There are nights when I can’t sleep or I’m just restless. Even as we heal from our terrible memories. They still come flooding in at times. So at times now. I have moments where I don’t sleep or sleep much. Then the next is depression and when the c-ptsd gets to a level of annoyance. Anxiety pops in through the whole lot of emotions and then I’m awake. Drinking coffee and watching shows on Netflix because I need to pull myself out of the spiral path because soon you’re kids awake.

Iv learned to work through even as hard as it is to be ok through another memory of pain. Once you get out of trying to numb it or forget it. It becomes a big deal. Emotionally draining of course. But I worked hard to help myself in a healthy and safe way. I can tell you that it’s exhausting and stressful but it’s not a rock bottom tragedy anymore. Yes. I’m tired and I’m emotionally exhausted. But at least I’m here and present for my kids and they are with me.

That my friend is going to be the best memories to overcome my bad ones. Eventually some old ones have faded and not too much of a pain anymore. Some more then others are worse. So I’m still healing my old wounds as I’m gaining strength to stay healthy happy and blessed. Each day is a working process for myself. I don’t take anything for granted. So to stay this path I will always have to continue each day with gratitude and prayers.

My kids are learning about a process from this emotionally and mentally as well. They understand I went through a lot of different things. Instead of teaching a negative way to get through it. I’m now teaching a healthy lifestyle for anything that comes through their own journey. I’m taking the cycle of my history and ending it with me now. It’s complicated and irritating sometimes but honestly it’s a lot easier knowing what it’s going to do for them.

You’re not going to be able to accomplish anything without healing. It’s rough and ruthless. But with hard work and stability comes a healthier and happier version of you. Which in the end. Return a brighter future. Every day is going to be a better day. Every day is also going to be hard. But at the end of the day. Stopping the old version of you and bringing out the new version. Oh my gosh I’m not going backwards.

Best version of me. Is watching the smiles and hearing the laughter of my kids. Taking care of myself gives me the best days for them. Healing is a continuing journey. But I take those steps to keep my kids on the top path and too version’s of themselves as well. Because today they won’t see the tired or the depression from a night of terrible memories. They will wake up this morning to their mom happy and ready for the day. Because I’m healing in a healthy way not in the old way.

We can recover from anything. Just put in the effort and the passion into yourself. Becoming myself has always been my priority. Becoming the mom I never had and always wanted. Now that is the best thing ever.

Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Keep going up to the top and the best part of the journey will always be available.