Saying I’m sober was hard. Saying I’m in recovery is hard. Saying no is hard. No matter how you say it or put it. It’s hard. Reminding myself that alcohol is not ok for me no matter how much I want or think one drink will be ok. Drinking was never apart of my daily routine or life. But on the times I have had a drink. It turned into more drinks and eventually bad choices. Every time! I talked myself out of my behavior and said I won’t drink anymore. Then a week. A month sometimes a few months go by and yet again 1 wasn’t the end. I just don’t have any of the power to say no more.

Then after every weekend for a year. I chose to drink and leave my husband with the kids as I partied with the unsavory friends I found to understand me and then I found out that my husband was a drinker during week as I took the responsibility of the kids. So not only did we both successfully have let our demons out. We started becoming people we where never before. As we always made sure kids where takin care of. It still spiraled out of control. We fought. We hated each other. We became our own toxic selfs.

Then a fight happened as I proceeded to protect myself from a selfish person (another female) cps was called. Even though our kids where well takin care of and after the incident I did stop. But living in a small town being a outsider turned very blick. We couldn’t support the park we lived in. Being maintenance with no pay & fixes where out of our pocket for mamy of the residents. We gave up and quit. As time became our worst as we where their because we proved our side. The fake calls begin.

With no history and with no evidence. As we had one day before our move. The knock came. The kids where gone. As we had gone to court we moved the kids safely to another county as we did. Two older ones came back ASAP. Then the case was transferred and our case was in the hands of a case worker who enjoyed endlessly trying to cut us out without anything. After the judge repeated the word no and as another year of her being another caseworker who Denys family rights.

Then the courts where still not giving in to her. So miraculously another case worker came on and she moved on. Within the year my kids where home with no proof of anything and a 3rd party assessment from the university of Washington stated to give our kids back their is and was nothing that could or should of warrant the behavior of them. So 6 months in 2020 our case closed with all our kids home officially. No more cps but everyday of ptsd in all of us and lingering worry of every knock on the door.

Now we are moved on from the star of Washington. Two weeks away & my kids are falling back into themselves before the pain of this. Now we are healing our family and continue to do this in recovery and we will continue to be able to stay sober each day so we are never in a spot or not thinking straight. We will fall back on our family for that one drink.

We do recover. We will not let the stigma of cps keep us quiet. We will stand for families that had a down moment but not a history of the problems. We will not let our recovery process stand still. We will have a say and continue to acknowledge the presence of false calls and false statements that where the government only stands by. We do recover from addictions and our government actions.